From: iain
Message:
Over a decade ago the universe's biggest bad-assess met up in a comic
book entitled 'Alien V's Predator'. This happened when I was 14 and an
avid comic collector, so I bought the graphic novel and read it with
much enthusiasm. It was a fantastic story which still holds up today.
Unfortunately the film takes place on a terraformed planet in the far
future, where a small group of intergalactic human ranchers are raising
cattle. One of the ranchers finds one of their cattle with a Facehugger
stuck on it and so it begins.
The story unfolds that once every 20 years or so the Predators send an
Alien ship down to the planet to propagate then arrive a week or so
later to take part in what's considered the "ultimate hunt" in their
civilization. They never realised the ranchers had taken up residence on
the planet since their last visit, and the ranchers are hit with a full
scale alien invasion.
A now stereotypical Lara Croft figure rises up (long before Lara
appeared I must mention), guns ablazing, and takes on the Alien horde.
The Predators claim her as one of their own, "marking" her with acidic
Alien blood so future Predators will know not to harm her.
This is the only part of the story that makes the leap from comic to
screen in the Hollywood retelling of 'Alien Vs Predator'. I don't know
if the budget would have been too big for the original story, or they
couldn't get rights, but the story isn't on a par with the original
comics. Both scripted and directed by the much-hated Paul Anderson
(Shopping, Event Horizon, soldier, Resident Evil) he brings his usual
gun-toting Boys-own action-movie bravado to the tale.
This time round the story is set in the present day in Antartica. A team
headed by Charles Bishop Waylan. Waylan is played by an uncomfortable
looking Lance Henriksen, a completely unnecessary tie to the original
Alien films - his image was used for the Bishop androids his company
produces for 'Aliens'. The team is taken to an abandoned whaling station
1000 miles from civilization where the audience is talked down as Alexa
Woods, Sanaa Lathan playing up to the stereotypical bad-ass babe role,
explains that 100 years ago the whalers all "mysteriously disappeared".
Oooh! I wonder why? It's because there's an ancient pyramid below the
ice that's stocked up by the Predators with Alien eggs, and they lure
humans down into it as hosts for the Aliens so the can begin their hunt.
I absolutely hate Hollywood directors apparent need to talk down to the
audience and explain absolutely everything like the audience are idiots.
We are told that the large moon in Antartica is called a "Hunters Moon"
in Italy. We're told the Inca's used a Metric Calendar, and in case we
didn't know what Metric is we're told it's based on the number 10...
really? I never knew that. Several shots are shown where things happen
and the camera lingers on certain object just to say to the audience
"remember this, because it's going to be important". ARGH!
I assume the suits demanded a 12a certificate on the film for the
maximum profit, but the film is all the poorer for it. There is very
little action, even less blood, and no tension or horror. Most of the
action sequences are cut and edited so fast that you have little idea
what's going and even less time to see the great new Alien and Predator
designs (the saving grace of the film). It feels like there are large
chunks of the film missing, and I assume Anderson was forced to slash a
very large section of the film to get the 12a. I hope they reinstate the
additional footage for a DVD release as the film is simply not long
enough, and more action is badly needed in what is supposed to be an
all-out action film.
There's two things they could have done to improve this film. The film
was severely lacking a human star, an Arnie or a Ripley. I was dying to
hear some cheesey Arnie line through the whole film - the setting was
perfect. Just as the Predator showed up to save the human from the Alien
Arnie could have been there to say something like "Ice to see you!". Or
a frozen Arnie could have reprised his infamous 'Predator' "mud" line
with "He couldn't see me because of the ice!". Another all-together
better idea would have been to get rid of the humans all-together and
have a dialogue free film with just the Aliens and Predators battling it
out. How cool would that be?
Despite all this I actually reasonably enjoyed the film, probably
because I went in to the cinema expecting the very worst. The actions
sequences, even although they are few, are quite enjoyable. The final
battle between the Alien Queen, the Predator and Lathan is actually very
good and striking, as they battle across the frozen Antarctic wasteland.
Let's just hope that the inevitable sequel loses the humans and we can
see the all-mighty smackdown we really want to see.
iain
(full hyperlinked copy of this review with pics up on www.killyourtv.co.uk)
